What is the most frustrating skill that people lack
Depression is a disease that can affect any of us. Research and therapy in this regard have made great progress in recent years and the prognosis for most patients is extremely good. You can do something about depression! If you or a family member is affected, please get help. There are many offers and there is sure to be the right form of support for you. This is especially true for relatives of sick people.
1. Depression is no Matter of choice.
Depression is one of the most helpless and frustrating experiences a person can have. Sometimes it's sadness, sometimes it's a feeling of emptiness, and sometimes you feel absolutely nothing. At times, depression can make a person feel trapped in their own body and mind, paralyzed, unable to do things that one really loves or that urgently needs to be done. Depression is not just simply a bad day or mood, nor is it something that someone can just "get through" with. Nobody chooses to be depressed.
2. Encouragements like "it will be fine", "you just have to get out of the house" or "everything will be fine" are meaningless.
It's easy to say these things to someone because you think they can offer a solution or an easy way to feel better and ease the pain, but these types of phrases always come off as empty, offensive, and essentially meaningless.
These cheers only add to the tension, make you feel inadequate, and you are not acknowledging what the person is going through by trying to put a band-aid on a much bigger problem. The depressed person understands that you are only trying to help, but these words make them feel worse. A silent hug can do so much more than cliché.
What can you say instead:
"I'm here for you." "I believe in you." "I believe you are stronger than that and I know you will get through this." "What can I do to help you?" "What do you think would help you feel better?"
Avoid counseling, instead let the person know that you are there for them.
3. Sometimes they have to push you away to get closer.
People who suffer from depression often feel frustrated, as if they are a burden to other people. This causes them to begin to isolate themselves and push away the people who need them most and who are most important to them. They are mentally exhausted from the stressful thoughts about whether they burden and overwhelm their loved ones with their grief. If the depressed person is distancing themselves, just let them know that you are there for you, but don't try to get them to go out or have in-depth conversations if they don't want to.
4. You can be frustrated.
Just because someone is depressed doesn't mean you have to meet all of the person's needs or dance around the person like on eggshells. Depressed people need to feel loved and supported, but when a negative impact develops in their life they are allowed to recognize it and to find out how to show love and patience without sacrificing yourself.
5. It is important to discuss and set boundaries.
In these moments of frustration, it is important to shift down a gear and consider how you can help the depressed person, but also maintain your own sense of happiness and fulfillment. Be patient. Discuss your worries and explain that you need boundaries in your relationship. Find out what works for both of you.
6. Depressed persons can be overwhelmed easily.
Constant exhaustion is a common side effect of depression. Just walking through the day can be an overwhelming and exhausting experience. Depressed people may feel perfectly fine one moment and the next they feel tired and have no energy at all, even if they sleep a lot each night. This can have the consequence that plans are suddenly given up, events are abandoned early or events or things are generally rejected. Remember, none of this has anything to do with you or what you did. It's just one of the predominant side effects of living with this disease.
7. It works Not to you.
When a loved one suffers from depression, it is often difficult to understand what that person is going through and you may wonder whether the sadness might be a reflection of the two of you. If the depressed person needs distance or becomes inaccessible, don't blame yourself or ask yourself what you can do differently to heal the depressed person. Remember that depression has nothing to do with you.
8. Avoid making ultimatums or demands. Be Not hard.
Telling someone that you are going to break up or stop talking to him / her if it doesn't get better will not help magically cure the disease. Your partner won't suddenly become the person you want just because you're tired of dealing with their problems. It is a personal decision to leave someone when their problems have become too much for you and your relationship, but thinking that being tough will make things better is unrealistic and manipulative.
9. Depressed people don't always want to be alone.
Many assume that depressed people just want to be left alone. While there may be times when the depressed person needs distance, that does not mean that they want to face their fears on their own. Offer to take them on a little excursion. Ask if she would like a coffee or something to eat. From time to time you manage to pull them out of their routine and establish contact between the two of you. It can mean anything to the depressed person. Reach out your hand without expecting anything. Remind your partner that he / she doesn't have to do this alone.
10. Do not try to compare your own experiences with theirs.
Often times when someone is going through a difficult time we want to share our own stories with the person so that they know we have experienced something similar and we can understand their troubles. When you say something like, "Oh, I know that. I was also depressed back then ..." it makes the person feel like you are not taking their grief seriously and that you are minimizing their pain. Show empathy, but don't suppress your partner's feelings. The greatest resource you can share is your listening ability. That's all depressed people really need.
11. It's okay to ask your boyfriend or girlfriend how he / she is feeling.
What do you really feel and how do you cope with your depression? Often times people who are depressed have thoughts of suicide and it's okay to ask about them right away. Also, ask about self-care options and a contingency plan for moments of crisis if the depression becomes too overwhelming.
12. Schedule time together.
Offer to spend time with your partner once or twice a week. Go to sport, shop or just hang out together. Ask if he / she would like to cook dinner with you or plan a meeting with friends. One of the most difficult symptoms of depression is feeling too exhausted to cook healthy meals. So what you can really do is cook healthy food that can then be stored in the fridge or freezer for later.
13. Just because someone is depressed doesn't mean they are weak.
In his book “Against Happiness: Long Live Melancholy”, the author Eric G. Wilson explores the depths of grief and how experiencing emotional pain can make us more empathetic and creative people. Wilson rejects the idea of inflated happiness that our culture and society is obsessed with and instead explains why we can benefit from the darker moments in life.
* Translation of the internet article by Koty Neelis: http://thoughtcatalog.com/koty-neelis/2015/04/13-things-to-remember-when-you-love-a-person-who-has-depression/
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