Why am i a boy

Beny S .: "I am a boy in the body of a girl"

"When my mother was pregnant, my grandma went to see a clairvoyant. She said I was going to be a boy. That's how it was. I'm a boy in the body of a girl.

It first showed when I was about four years old. We were at a family celebration. I can still remember it so well: the girls all wore dresses, the boys all wears suits. I asked my mother: Why am I not wearing a suit? I didn't understand that at all. My mother thought that was a stupid question and told the story to my father. He said to me: You can't be a boy, you were born a girl. Your body is feminine, your gender is feminine. But my parents couldn't talk me out of it. Even if I don't look like that: I feel like a boy.

A few years later they put me in a psychiatric ward. That's where I met my best friend. He was always behind me. He showed me that one should enjoy life. Every day he told me how great I am and how good I look as a boy. That's how he made me believe in myself.

Slowly accepted

Then came the day when I cut my hair very short with a hedge trimmer. From now on I introduced myself as Beny, also at school. Most of them accepted me for who I am.

Nevertheless, there are always difficult situations. For example, when a director once forbade me to go to the men's room. But I wasn't allowed to go to the ladies' room either.

It was really bad for me when I got my period. I didn't know what it was, at first I thought I was going to die.

I've been doing an apprenticeship for half a year now. I work in a hotel where I am trained to be a receptionist. Sometimes I also help in the kitchen or in the garden. In the hotel you just have to step in where it is necessary. I also introduced myself as a boy when I applied for the apprenticeship, and that wasn't a problem for my boss. In the vocational school they also see me as a boy. Society is slowly accepting that there are also people like me, homosexuals, transgender, gender-fluid people.

Much more confident already

But it also often happens that I am being ripped off. For example, recently I was out with my girlfriend and someone said: Oh, a lesbian couple. That kind of thing hurts me. It is an insult to me when someone calls me a girl. In situations like this, I try to say to myself: It doesn't matter what others think. Over the years I've become much more confident.

What else can I say about myself? I laugh a lot, make jokes that mostly only I find funny, I talk a lot, often just nonsense, about this and that, so that there is no silence. Because I hate silence. I like to dress stylishly. For me, fashion is an expression of my personality. I especially like vintage items. My favorite color is pink, which is a little absurd.

Now I'm doing my Matura. As soon as I'm 18, I want to have an operation, even if I know it's complicated. One day I want to have a family too.

Of course there are moments when I doubt whether I will ever succeed in all of this. Then I think to myself: I can do it. Tomorrow the world will look completely different again. "(Protocol: Lisa Breit, May 30, 2019)